Impressions of Texas

I should be writing my impressions of Norway. That’ll have to wait another week. We’ll still be here. I had another idea in mind for this week.

We were chatting with a couple of Norwegians yesterday, and they expressed a desire to come to Texas to see what it was like. That got me wondering, what would I show someone from Norway to help them understand the United States and Texas? I’m going to jot down my ideas, but I’d love to hear additional suggestions.

Shopping

First, I’d take them shopping. I think that’s one area where the US is very different from the rest of the world. I’d take them to H-E-B, so that they could see what a good American grocery store is like—the size, the selection, the prices

I’d follow that with a trip to Walmart. Everyone has heard of Walmart, so let them have the experience. I don’t know if I would take them to our local Woodlands Walmart or maybe find one in a sketchier area, so that they could get a hardcore “people of Walmart” experience. After all, while people talk about the everyday low prices, we all know the most interesting thing is the people watching.

A trip to The Woodlands Mall would be good. I assume that American Malls are well known from movies, if nothing else. With so many malls dying, it’s good that we still have a thriving example.

Another experience that seems uniquely American is the hunting megastore. A trip to Bass Pro Shops or Cabela's would be a special experience.

No visit to Texas would be complete without a gas stop at a Buc-ee’s. Nothing says America better than a gas station with more than 100 pumps.

Food

We’d need to go on some culinary adventures. Obviously, Corkscrew BBQ would be a top priority. Where else can you find a BBQ place that went from a food truck to a restaurant to a Michelin Star restaurant?

They also need to experience the intense fast food efficiency of a Chick-fil-A drive-thru.

I guess a trip for good Mexican food would be another must-stop. I’m not a foodie, so I’m not sure what else. Don’t say Starbucks, because they’ve infested the entire planet, so they don’t need to see yet another one. Maybe Shipley’s donuts, but for someone not raised in America, the sugar overload could be too much.

What are some uniquely American foods for them to try: Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, chicken-fried steak, breakfast tacos, root beer, sweet tea, and Texas kolaches. We could get them some Blue Bell ice cream, and they could compare that to some of our homemade gelato. If it is the right season, a crawfish boil would also be interesting.

Texas Culture

I think a stop at a truck dealership would be warranted. Show them the variety of sizes and prices of trucks. I see most normal cars and SUVs all over the world, but the full-size pickup seems to be uniquely American and stereotypically Texan.

If the rodeo is going on, a trip to the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo would be a must. If not, maybe a county fair.

One thing that many foreigners want to do when they come to the US is to visit a gun range. Most ranges have rental equipment they could use.

We could take them line dancing or two-stepping at a honky-tonk like Whiskey River or Goode Company Armadillo Palace.

Texas Wildlife

I would opt for either a hike through Brazos Bend to see gators or maybe a canoe outing on Chocolate Bayou to spend time in a river with gators. Either way, I think we should take them to see gators.

It’d be nice to see some armadillos, squirrels, and raccoons, but I’m not sure where you’d go to guarantee a sighting.

It would be great to take them hunting, but I’d have to get help with that.

Festivals

Aside from the rodeo, there are quite a few events that would be good to see if the timing is right. I think the Texas Renaissance Festival is the oldest and largest of its kind. I don’t know what a European would think of it.

Many other events would provide good insight into local culture. The Houston Art Car Parade is the longest-running art car parade and is always worth seeing. The Woodlands Waterway Art Festival would be great. A concert at the Pavilion would be a fun event if the timing is right. One of the local Cars and Coffees would be fun.

Sporting Events

Football, whether high school, college, or professional, would be worth doing in the fall. Or a basketball game or a baseball game. In theory, we could take them to a soccer game, but that seems silly. If possible, attending a pregame tailgating session would add to the experience.

Church

If they are interested, a trip to a megachurch or a gospel church would be interesting.

Tourist Stops

Everyone associates Houston with NASA, so a trip to SpaceCenter Houston seems like a must. We also have the world’s best funeral museum, which gives a unique perspective on life and death in America.

Houston doesn’t have any good amusement parks anymore. We could do a waterpark, like Schlitterbahn Galveston. Spend a few days in San Antonio for the Riverwalk and Fiesta Texas. Then there is Dallas, with Six Flags and whatever else it has to offer, which could be worth the trip.

We do have iFly near us. I don’t know if those are in many other countries or whether a guest would like them.

I think the Buffalo Bayou Park Cistern would be a nice blend of history and art.

Unusual Extras

It might be good to drive around and see some high-income contrast areas. Maybe a quick trip through some of the Houston Wards, along with River Oaks. In Norway, I don’t think that they have slums like we do, nor super-rich enclaves.

I would take them to see The MakerBarn. There are makerspaces in other countries, but I think it is more common here and it is a big part of our lives, so it would be fun to show it to them.

What Else

What else do you think a visitor from Norway wanting to see Texas would like to see? Is there a place to ride horses or see a cattle ranch? Is Houston still known for its topless clubs? I’d love to hear more ideas, either from people who live or have lived here. Or if you don’t live here, sharing what you’d want to see. If you are reading this and are interested in visiting Houston, let us know. We don’t get very many out-of-town guests, but we love to entertain.